Perhaps that which
has happened can unhappen at any moment. I take a breath in, and I immediately
have to throw one out again. The edge of day, which appears fixed in the mosaic of my
eye, is even closer than it seems as it pulls away from me into the passing hours,
days, months and years of a lifetime.
Maybe as I strive
to direct my life according to the possible, memories occur, like rain clouds
journeying west to east pressured by wind. These memories are neither small nor
large; they are neither here nor elsewhere. They are the depth and echo of
a future time; horses elegant and bright. Their galloping doesn’t mean they have come
from elsewhere. Here when they are here, here before they were here, here after
they were here – they are from no place from which I could ever orient myself.
Perhaps everything is divided into three. The true, the
good, the beautiful. Existence,
consciousness, and bliss. The seer, the seen, and their relationship. And what
about the proton, neutron and electron? No one has seen electrons, yet it is
mathematically assumed they are there.
Maybe, even about electrons, very little can be said. Physicists
claim that now that we have electrons, we have come to the limit of matter because electrons
are not visible and have no material property. Yet electrons cannot be called non-matter
either, because all matter consists of them. If they are neither matter nor
non-matter, what to call them? In the meantime, the hypnotist goes on repeating
the phrase there, at the center of that
sleep until you fall so easily under her spell – so colorful, so attractive,
so magnetizing. You raise your eyebrows and wink, the real world falling
through your mind in glittering pieces.